Washington, D.C. – May 17, 2025
In a press conference that left reporters both stunned and oddly inspired, NBA superstar Stephen Curry announced his official candidacy for the United States Senate, declaring he’s ready to take his leadership “from the hardwood to the Hill.”
“America needs a new kind of playmaker,” Curry said, standing behind a custom podium shaped like a giant basketball. “One who knows how to dish assists, defend the Constitution, and drain truth bombs from 30 feet out.”
Curry, known for revolutionizing the game of basketball with his deadly three-point shooting, said he’s now determined to “revolutionize the political game” as well. His slogan? “Democracy Needs a Splash.”
A Political Playbook Unlike Any Other
According to Curry’s newly released campaign website, his legislative game plan includes:
Implementing a 4-point policy plan inspired by his deep shooting range
Mandating daily shootarounds for all members of Congress to promote health and bipartisanship
Replacing the filibuster with free throw contests
Introducing ‘Clutch Moments’ in debates, where candidates must respond under a 24-second shot clock
“Too much dribbling around the issues in D.C.,” Curry said. “It’s time to pull up and take the shot.”
Support From the Splash Brotherhood
Curry’s longtime teammate Klay Thompson appeared via hologram, calling the move “historic, heroic, and hilariously on-brand.” Draymond Green initially reacted with confusion, believing “Capitol Hill” was a new nightclub in Miami.
NBA Commissioner Adam Silver released a statement expressing support — albeit cautiously. “While we’re proud of Stephen’s leadership beyond the court, we remind him he still has three years left on his Warriors contract.”
Steph’s Vision: Unity, Uplift, and Unlimited Range
Curry concluded his speech by sinking a half-court shot into a trash can labeled “Political Gridlock,” drawing roars from the crowd and a standing ovation from both Republicans and Democrats in attendance.
“We don’t need more politicians,” he said. “We need teammates. And I’m ready to lead the league — and the nation — in assists.”
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